I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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