didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
