I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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