i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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