considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
