my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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