The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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