found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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