I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
