people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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