just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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