The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
