This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
