it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
