Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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