just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
