Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she smelled like a LAN party
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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