We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
