weddingsv make me drug and hornr
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
