I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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