yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
