I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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