this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
