Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
