Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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