i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
