Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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