I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
