When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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