She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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