: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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