so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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