do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
