im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
too bad you live with your parents still
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
