dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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