You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
