There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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