its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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