I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
