I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
