i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
