So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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