the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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