Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
