I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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