im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
