I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
