Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
