I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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