I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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